The comparison crash

Mark 9:30-41 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)

They went on from there and passed through Galilee. He did not want anyone to know it; for he was teaching his disciples, saying to them, “The Son of Man is to be betrayed into human hands, and they will kill him, and three days after being killed, he will rise again.” But they did not understand what he was saying and were afraid to ask him.

Then they came to Capernaum; and when he was in the house he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the way?” But they were silent, for on the way they had argued with one another who was the greatest. He sat down, called the twelve, and said to them, “Whoever wants to be first must be last of all and servant of all.” Then he took a little child and put it among them; and taking it in his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me, and whoever welcomes me welcomes not me but the one who sent me.”

John said to him, “Teacher, we saw someone casting out demons in your name, and we tried to stop him, because he was not following us.” But Jesus said, “Do not stop him; for no one who does a deed of power in my name will be able soon afterward to speak evil of me. Whoever is not against us is for us. For truly I tell you, whoever gives you a cup of water to drink because you bear the name of Christ will by no means lose the reward.

Our global experience as humans has been drastically and quickly altered in a way that’s almost impossible to comprehend right now. Our relationships have taken a digital flavor, and our connection to the world outside of the four walls of our house is all through images and words telling us stories on a screen. As our daily routines and rhythms have taken a hard turn or even come to a crashing halt, it’s up to us as individuals to remember what is true and what is real.

And it’s hard. An indefinite pause on life as we know it is hard. Period. There’s also an opportunity for gratitude and joy in the moment, if we can keep our minds from wandering to the things we’re so used to worrying about. If I can focus on the goodness of what’s here, in front of me, I can do even the hardest of things with ease and joy.

This joy of the present moment is the opportunity for abundant life for each of us. The joy and satisfaction that come from realizing the power and strength and love of God that dwells within you is the ride that keeps lifting higher and higher. This is right where I belong. There is life available to me here. There is nowhere else I could ever be. There is nowhere else I should be.

And then a thought emerges—wait, sometimes it feels like there is somewhere else I should be. I remember that other people I know have different life situations from me. I remember that other people have their own story and it’s different from mine—and they actually have some of the things that I want!

So what is it that makes me believe there’s anywhere I should be other than where I am?

Comparison.

One peek around to evaluate how other people are doing, and I plummet. Because in order to compare, I have to judge. And when I judge I always lose. I either conclude that I don’t measure up, or I push someone else down with my judgment. To judge my life by what I see in other peoples’ lives, or to judge other peoples’ lives by mine is unfair. It doesn’t make any sense, it’s unhelpful, and it robs me of the gratitude I felt when my eyes were on Love. It keeps me from meaningful connection when I have to prove myself in comparison to someone else.

This is exactly what the disciples choose in this reading from Mark. We can be soaring with gratitude, literally on top of a mountain with Jesus, or grounded in peace and abundance as he calms a storm, but there’s one thing that always brings us crashing down in fear and panic. Without fail, comparison will snap me out of joy in Christ, destroy my focus, and send me plummeting through layers and layers of fear and doubt.

You and I, we’re always looking around us to figure out what’s “normal.” But other humans are not the place to look for those answers, or we will just end up playing the same games they are.

A few days ago I had the loneliest low I’ve felt in the first 2 weeks of social distancing, because I started comparing my experience to other people’s. One friend started a new project, and instead of celebrating his creativity, I decided it made me unsuccessful and lazy. I started to feel a whole wave of “shoulds” washing over me, ready to tell me all the ways my life doesn’t measure up to some invisible, impossible standard. I felt a lot of fear and I started to panic. And in that panic you know what I did? I looked around for people who I thought might be as lonely as I was. I looked around for people who could tell me I wasn’t the only one down here, and I actually, sincerely looked for people who were “worse off” than I was. Even if I had found that (which I did not, by the way), the satisfaction from that kind of judgment is a weak, quick wave of relief, followed by another crash, because I’m looking around me to try to figure out if I’m doing okay. The answer to that question is never found outside of yourself, because no one else knows you or your path to Love. Only when you’re alone with Love, alone with God, can you really hear and believe the truth: you are exactly where you need to be. No one else can know that for you.

Here’s the crazy thing: Jesus told us judging would get us nowhere. He said we should just go ahead and make ourselves the lowest so we could give up on this game. He told us that faith was how we’d get the life we’re after—not by propping ourselves up clumsily on top of other people.

Jesus is preparing his disciples that he’ll be killed for what he’s teaching, and these humans ignore what they don’t understand and just start climbing over one another again to be the one on top. It sounds childish in the reading, doesn’t it? “Arguing with one another about who is the greatest?” But if we’re honest, this is all of us. It seems childish when it comes out of our mouths, so as we grow up, we internalize it and learn to use it as “motivation” or “inspiration” to work harder, be better. We keep trying and trying and trying until we hit a wall—a reality that hits each of us in lots of different ways, but I think it’s safe to say humanity has hit a collective wall, and it’s time to pause.

The wall is always an invitation. Here in this pause, there’s an invitation to reexamine the way you’re measuring your own joy and satisfaction in life. Does your life have to look like other peoples’ in order to be happy? Do you need to live into others’ versions of success in order to be successful? Do you need to be better than other people to feel like you’re good at all? Do you need to stand out? Fit in?

The answer is no. To all of these, the truest, realest answer is no. You have everything you need to know Love here and now. It doesn’t even matter whose measurement your using, if it isn’t the measure of Love between you and God, it isn’t the truth about your life. Befriend a child, Jesus says. Befriend a child who can offer no status boost, no financial tips, no relationship advice—befriend a child, whose innocence can remind you of who you were before you believed what the voices around you told you.

And as for the person who seems to be your competition? Befriend them, too. Befriend the person on the parallel path. See them bringing love and healing into the world—and isn’t that the work we are all here to do? We’re here to bring a little bit more life to this place, and anyone who’s doing that is a friend. They’re on our side. You don’t need to be better than them, you already know your purpose, and it is not far from you. Your purpose is to be love and be loved. Anyone with you in this—whether a stranger or the disciple right next to you—is simply more love. That’s it. Stand with them in love. Stand together in love, and you will know more life than you ever dreamed possible.